THE MARRIAGE THAT WILL WORK
Below
are his seven principles THAT WILL strengthen your marriage.
1.
“Enhance your love maps.” Love is
in the details. That is, happy couples are very much familiar with their
partner’s world.
2.
“Nurture your fondness and admiration.”
Happy couples respect each other and have a general positive view of each
other. Fondness and admiration are two of the most important elements in a
satisfying and long-term relationship. If these elements are completely
missing, the marriage can’t be saved.
A
helpful activity to remind couples of the partner they fell in love with called
“I appreciate.” Can YOU suggests list three or more of YOUR partner’s positive
characteristics along with an incident that illustrates each quality. Then read
your lists to each other.
3.
“Turn toward each other instead of away.”
Romance isn’t a Caribbean cruise, an expensive meal or a lavish gift. Rather,
romance lives and thrives in the everyday, little things. “[Real-life romance] is
kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the
grind of everyday life.”
For
instance, romance is leaving an encouraging voicemail for your spouse when you
know he’s having a bad day, says. Or romance is running late but taking a few
minutes to listen to your wife’s bad dream and saying that you’ll discuss it
later (instead of saying “I don’t have time”).
Couples
that turn toward each other have more in their “emotional bank account”, this
account distinguishes happy marriages from miserable ones. Happy couples have
more goodwill and positivity stored in their bank accounts, so when rough times
hit, their emotional savings cushion conflicts and stressors.
4.
“Let your partner influence you.”
Happy couples are a team that considers each other’s perspective and feelings.
They make decisions together and search out common ground. Letting your partner
influence you isn’t about having one person hold the reins; it’s about honoring
and respecting both people in the relationship.
5.
“Solve your solvable problems.”
there are two types of marital problems: conflicts that can be resolved and
perpetual problems that can’t. It’s important for couples to determine which
ones are which.
Sometimes,
though, telling the difference can be tricky. According to Gottman, “One way to
identify solvable problems is that they seem less painful, gut-wrenching, or
intense than perpetual, gridlocked ones.” Solvable problems are situational,
and there’s no underlying conflict.
6
“Create shared meaning.” “Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting
chores, and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do
with creating an inner life together — a culture rich with rituals, and an
appreciation for your roles and goals that link you, that lead you to
understand what it means to be a part of the family you have become,”
Happy
couples create a family culture that includes both of their dreams. In being
open to each other’s perspectives and opinions, happy couples naturally come
together.
Title : MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK
Description : THE MARRIAGE THAT WILL WORK Below are his seven principles THAT WILL strengthen your marriage. 1. “Enhance your love maps.” Love...