In our local churches, marriage is esteemed as
the preferred, better, more desirable relationship status. Illustrations about
marriage are woven into countless sermons, many pastors
reference their wives from the pulpit (infact, i do it more often), and many
small groups focus on married couples or families, leaving singles feeling
excluded and lonely. For the most part, they despair at their single years.
Singleness is hard, often lonely, and unwanted.”
While I was a single man, I admit that this is
often true -- singleness is overwhelming, frustrating at times, intimidating,
tiring, and very often isolating. There are many joys that come from living an
independent lifestyle, too, don’t get me wrong, but I often wonder if marriage
would be harder than singleness, or if being on my own is actually as difficult
as it daily can feel.
While marriage isn’t without its own set of
challenges, singleness often comes with a unique set of struggles that make it
perfectly difficult, especially for Christians.
Here
are a few examples of areas where it can be particularly hard to be single, which i declare as the 4 C's:
1.
Companionship:
When you are married, you are working and living in cycle. You
and your spouse, though separate individuals, are living together, moving along
the same path with the same goals. While God is the true source of our comfort
and reliance, there is an added feeling of security in marriage that singleness
does not have. While many single people live with roommates, friends, or family
members, those relationships aren’t the same as a committed romantic
relationship built in marriage. It can be challenging to feel alone and lonely
without a key person by your side like you would have in a spouse. The truth be
told.
2.
Circumstances:
While a married person ideally has their spouse to fall back
onto, singles must rely on autonomous individuals with their own independence
and agendas, plans and opinions. If a single person loses their job, there is
no other salary to fall back on, no one else to help make ends meet. When a
single person’s roommate moves out for whatever reason, there’s a gap to fill
and this gap is usually very frustrating. Challenging circumstances can
unfortunately affect us all, married or single or otherwise, but it does seem
to be true that things are more precarious when you are on your own and without
the backup that a spouse (with their second source of income, their support,
their stability, etc) provides.
3.
Community:
Where the economy seems to be against single people, the Church
feels no better for many. In church's where marriage is upheld as the pinnacle
of our spirituality and life’s calling, singles are often left out on the
sidelines. It’s in this mentality of a members-only club, singles are left
fending for themselves, relying on the only thing they can: themselves.
While I have found many vibrant groups to be a part of through various school
ministries and church groups, there has always been an underlying sense of
feeling “less-than” because of been single. Even the singles ministry
in my local church is reserved for those in their 40s and 50s, leaving young
singles no place to gather intentionally with peers in their same season of
life.
4.
Contentment:
We often think that the solution to that is marriage or
feeding singles the ‘contentment in God". The reality is the Church is meant
to come alongside each and every person, married or single, young or old, and
be there for them. And this means not just saying it, but doing it. I have been
so grateful for the people in my around who have come alongside my life. When i
got married, i choose deliberately to support and uphold as many who passed
through similar events like i did while i was single.
I encourage all singles to spend time with married couples,
young families, and mentors as to learn. I also encourage all singles to do the
needful of getting married. Get married and stat up a home.
Title : Staying Single Is Harder Than Marriage
Description : In our local churches, marriage is esteemed as the preferred, better, more desirable relationship status. Illustrations about mar...