Courtship: this is a period during which
intending couples develop a romantic relationship before getting married.
Courtship is
the period of development towards an intimate relationship wherein a couple
get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement, followed by a
marriage.
In the Christian faith, Courtship is a
relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is
God’s will for them to marry each other. This is carried
out under the protection, guidance, and
blessing of parents or mentors. The intended couple concentrates on
developing a deep friendship that COULD LEAD to marriage, as they
discern their readiness for marriage and God’s timing for their marriage.
(Proverbs 3:5-7
(NIV) 5 Trust in
the Lord with all your heart and
lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit
to him, and he will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be
wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord
and shun evil.)
Courtship is a choice to avoid temptation and
experience the blessings of purity. It is a choice to not emotionally give away
your heart, piece by piece, to many others through casual dating relationships
and instead to give your whole heart to your life partner.
It is a choice to wait for God’s best, for His
glory. It is a decision to walk by faith, to trust in God, to honor
others above yourself, and to believe that God will deal bountifully with you,
because He is love. (See II Corinthians 5:7, Psalm 9:10, Romans 12:10, Psalm
13, and I John 4:8.)
Ø courtship is usually informal and private matter
between two people.
Ø It may also be made a public affair, or a formal
arrangement with both families for approval.
Ø The essence of courtship is for the intended couple to
understand themselves and know their level of receptiveness.
THE REAL
FACTS YOU MUST KNOW:
1. YOU MUST NOT
KNOW YOUR SPOUSE SEXUALLY:
This is ruled out. It is not part of what you do in
courtship. I advocate sexual purity during courtship. Anything that has the
appearance of sexual immorality should be avoided. Of course, you know what am
talking about. Things like kissing, fondling, touching of private body parts
and the likes. Say no to sex and things that look like it during your courtship
period.
2. COMPATIBILITY
RATIO:
Ø Check whether you are compatible in the area of TEMPERAMENT.
Ø Be sure you can put up with your lover's temperament
before going ahead to marry them because nobody will be interested in your complaints
after you are married.
Ø Marriage is a lifelong journey. Take time and make
your findings.
3. FIND OUT
THEIR PAST:
Ø Some people are carrying a lot of luggage's, so they
are looking for who to share the burden with. There are situations where a man
has a wife in the village and yet comes to town seeking to get another wife.
That's why, you must take your time to really find out who you are getting
married to.
Ø Once you say I do, you are indirectly saying that you
have decided to accommodate and live with whatever past your lover once had. It
means, no discovering will make you quit your marriage. Whatever that will make
you quit your marriage, resolve it now that you are still courting.
Ø Don't say, I don't care about the past because there
are some pasts that are very critical. If you suddenly discover, five years
into your marriage, that your wife had two sons outside wedlock and never told
you about it, would you be able to put up with it.
Ø Just in case you have forgotten, there is nothing
hidden under the sun that will not be revealed with time.
4. GO FOR
MEDICAL TEST:
CHECK YOUR GENOTYPE:
Ø If it is not compatible, end the relationship
immediately. Some people will ask, what if it is the will of God? My answer is,
wait until God changes the genotype. Until God changes the genotype, don't
marry someone whose genotype didn't match yours. Don't let anyone deceive you
by saying it is the will of God.
GO FOR FERTILITY TEST:
Ø I am of the opinion that couples should do fertility
test. Both the man and the woman should undergo this test.
Ø In some churches, the marriage committee will ask you,
are you sure you a man? Then they will ask the woman, are you sure you are a
woman? This is a very funny question. Who wouldn't agree he is a man when asked
that kind of question? We should go beyond asking questions and sending them to
the hospital for medical test.
Ø No woman wants to discover on her wedding night that
she married an impotent man.
CHECK YOUR HIV STATUS AND OTHER RELATED VIRUS:
Ø If the virus can be treated, let all the treatment be
done during courtship. Marriage is not an exchange of viruses.
5. MONEY
MATTERS:
Ø One of my friends who was preparing for her wedding
asked me, who is going to take the money people will spray them on their
wedding day?
Ø Someone asked me, what if your wife starts earning
higher, will you feel bad?
Ø As funny as the questions sound, it is a very serious
matter.
Ø Marriage has no formula. Whatever works for you is
okay.
Ø It is important you handle all these money matter
before entering into marriage.
Ø Whatever makes you both happy. Just make sure every
issue is resolved before walking down the aisle.
Ø There are other things to discuss during courtship but
I find these ones very critical.
REMEMBER, IN
MARRIAGE, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. KNOWLEDGE IS CRITICAL.