The
Scripture does not say much about engagement but it does refer in several
places to betrothal or espousal. This is shown in the case of Mary and
Joseph and mentioned in the Song of Soloman. Engagement is a time when a
man and woman are preparing for a marriage to which they have committed
themselves.
As
we have already seen Scripture clearly speaks about the relationship between
one man and one woman. Engagement should therefore be seen as a serious step of
firm commitment to marry (having received clear guidance from the Lord in the
decision) and not as a trial period. I would hasten to say that should a
mistake be realised before one is married it would be far better to admit it
and end the relationship, than to continue in a path which is not the Lord's
will.
Engagement
is a time to prepare yourselves for a new life and attend to the many practical
matters that need to be sorted out: a wedding to prepare; a new home to find;
and studies to complete for example.
First
and foremost, however the engagement period should be used to grow closer
together spiritually, mentally and physically (with self-control).
The
length of an engagement will vary according to different circumstances.
If there is a clear knowledge of the Lord's will and there is no reason to
delay, it could be frustrating to wait too long before the full enjoyment of
living and working together can be enjoyed; especially if the couple are in the
same town and see each other often. This, of course, is only my personal
view.
Engagement
should be used to get to know each other by talking over different matters;
praying together and reading God's word. Habits formed at this stage will
provide a foundation for married life. In discussing all the many
practical aspects of our lives in an attitude of dependence to our Lord and
commitment to Him, He will guide our thoughts together and set our aim to serve
Him. It is natural to want to spend as much time as possible in each
other's company, but let us ensure that we make time for our responsibility to
serve the Lord together in our local assembly or wherever He leads. These
are all foundations for a spiritual marriage. If we use this time well it
will be something to remember with pleasure.
There
will also be the opportunity to get to know each other physically. This
is once again an area that needs prayerful consideration. It is normal
for there to be a display of affection between two who have committed
themselves to each other; yet there is need for self-control and
restraint. As in all the other areas we have discussed we should seek to
honour the Lord and so live for His glory. Let us be wise in these matters
and seek guidance to act in a manner that does not embarrass others or give a
bad testimony. We must leave until marriage that freedom to enjoy all the
privileges of physical closeness and union; we are forbidden to have
intercourse outside of marriage and must not allow our physical emotions to
control us. Such actions as staying unaccompanied in the same house
should be avoided as they could lead to temptation and suspicion.
"Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians 5 v 22.
Title : "THE HALLOWED ENGAGEMENT PROCESS"
Description : The Scripture does not say much about engagement but it does refer in several places to betrothal or espousal. This is shown in the cas...